Monday August 19, 2013
Sono is in Martinique and I hope they are fixing his C6, but I don’t really know. One of his sisters went with him. He will be there for 10 days. His other sister, here on the Island, is supposed to stay in touch with me. So far no news.
So - my personal challenge now is to sit tight, not react, keep my head down and wait, wait, wait, and hope his sister will call me. I am just not comfortable calling her but I might have to. My spirits crash about, going from being resolute, to despondent, to paranoia, to confidence and back again. I work hard at staying cheerful and learning to be alone and on my own. I hate the isolation and being dependent on others but it is preferable to the struggle to stay level with his family, and not being sure what Sono wants. I expect he doesn’t know. At this phase, nothing is known. I am operating entirely on intuition. This one-day-at-a-time thing is damn hard work! At least my internet is restored.
Thoughts of ‘why am I doing this’ and ‘I want to go home’ are beginning to creep in. I must keep them at bay, at least until Sono comes back from Martinique with a prognosis, and his wishes can be determined. I know that his family will prevail, and that is, of course, as things should be, but only then can I think about what next for me.
Guyva (20 years old), Sono’s son, is very good to me and checks up on me every day. I am so grateful for all my friends and family and I keep you and your love before me in my mind. Your care and encouragement sustain me.
Later: I got it….I’ll draw and I’ll write!!! Solitary activities to be sure…but something to keep the agony of loneliness from making me totally crazy! Deep thanks to whoever sent me that flash.