Thursday, September 30, 2010

Here I Am

The return trip was fine with only one event. There just wasn't enough time between flights Antigua-Dominica. By the time I got cleared through Antigua they had closed the flight to D/ca It was the last flight out. I would have had to stay in Antigua I groveled and begged. I told them to forget the luggage, just get ME on the plane. They got me and the luggage on. I’ll never say bad things about LIAT airline again.

My little house is just fine, Not great, but a big improvement over the former place. A little noisy perhaps. It is across from the bread shack and within ear shot of a school. Several little problems with fans that don't work, bureau drawers that are too heavy and will not open, and a cup board over the bathroom sink that is so low you can't brush your teeth!!! I can cope. I like it. Next week I will go to CALLS to check in to set up some volunteer time. Several students have seen me about, so they know I am here. In fact, everyone knows I am back.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Ready to Go

Well, I’m all packed and ready to go.

Samantha is in Abbotsford with Nick and enrolled in the adult learning centre. Hans took her, and her cat out last week. Anthony and his family are getting settled in their new house in Ottawa. Hans seems to be ready to try life on his own.

Last week someone said to me that what I am doing is what twenty year olds do – “what’s that?” I asked. “Find yourself”, he said. I was so surprised at this that I didn’t respond. My thought was – I’ve never been lost! I’ve certainly been diverted, confused, perplexed, but never lost. Through all my ups and downs, comings and goings, I never misplaced my core.

This time I am going with a different mindset. I really enjoyed my time here in Canada (although the politics are embarrassing). I’ve had a lovely visit with family and friends, with cool clean air and creature comforts and lots of fabulous food. I know what I am going back to. There will be no surprises, no expectations. Sono is waiting for me.

Next dispatch will be from D/ca

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I'm Going Back To Dominica

So it is September 1 and I have my ticket to return to Dominica on the 25th,

Yes, I know…I know…

And furthermore, the issues that sent me back north have not been resolved and probably never can be. My intention is to go, not come back at Christmas, return in June for the summer here.

What has become clear is that I am ‘finished’ with Brooke Valley. There is nothing here for me. My house and garden of 40 years are close to being a burden, not a pleasure. I cannot conjure up a future for myself here. Although I certainly have friends here, and there are activities I enjoy, and my family is here, somehow I can’t project an image of myself LIVING here – doing what? There is no CHALLENGE.

As challenging as it might be, I have no interest or desire to jump on Hans’ band wagon. Yes, of course, I could do volunteer work here – whatever I am doing there, I could do here. Doing volunteer work is not my reason for going anywhere.

I love it here. The cool nights, the pretty landscape, the ease, the convenience, the cleanliness, the food, the level of social awareness and activity, the friends and family…you name it, it is all good. But there is something HUGE missing!

What is it?

Can it be an intimacy I never felt I had? Can it be that life in Dominica is ‘in your face’, not at arms length, sanitized, as it feels here?

I do not know.